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Listen, Talkin' Headline Blues

Dance Ban: The Talkin’ Headline Blues #182

Audio

The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Dance Ban.

Dance Ban: The Talkin' Headline Blues #182
Donald Trump, the wrinkly, limp bulge hanging between an old man’s legs, claps his tiny infant-sized hands after announcing his new dance ban.

Super unconstitutional twist spreads to Trump’s organizers.
My group is immigrants.
Deputy doesn’t need apology prayers.

I know this happened like three weeks ago and so much has happened since, but did you catch a glimpse of the first dance at the inauguration? Just watch it. Go ahead, let it sink in.

Now that you’re nice and uncomfortable and never want to dance with anyone ever again, think about how easy it’s going to be for a dance ban to be passed. First you’ll think it’s a joke. “Hahaha, good one, no way, don’t believe it, fake news,” you’ll say. BUT NO. It’ll happen. And why not, right? If the Trump administraion can ban people, why not dancing. Why wouldn’t Don ban something else that obviously makes him so uncomfortable?

And you know what, if a dance ban does happen, that’s okay. Because there’s already an outline of a perfect way to fight it and beat it.

Just like history has always shown, there are ways to beat any ban on anything.

Now the headlines!