The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Rat Race.
Historic Indiana record was from homeless ice.
Obama tips official rodent.
Sexy multimillion dollar Noah’s ark is Detroit.
There was a WGN news van around the corner from my house this morning, reporting on who knows what. I thought I heard a helicopter churning outside the bedroom window last night, but chalked it up to a dream. But maybe that was it? Or maybe it was a UFO? Maybe our salvation is upon us and our overlords will take us away from this rat race. Maybe WGN was reporting on that?
Or maybe they were just getting a live shot near the Starbuck’s because some woman in Chicago is suing Starbuck’s because they put TOO MUCH ICE in her drink. I have a tip for this lady:
Stop going to Starbuck’s.
But also, too much ice in your Starbuck’s drink is a good thing. More ice means less of the other sludge they put in the cups. So, if you are brave enough to go to a Starbuck’s, always ask for MORE ICE. Or, AS MUCH ICE AS YOU CAN FIT. Or, even, JUST GIVE ME A HANDFUL OF ICE, PLEASE.
That would be a VENTI MANCIATA ICE. Only costs $9.91.
Anyhow, here are the articles from CNN I used for the song this week. Enjoy!
- Historic U.S. cruise docks in Havana
- Trump zeroes in on Indiana
- Puerto Ricans leave at record rate
- When America was ‘great’
- Radiohead disappears from Internet
- I was middle class. Now I’m homeless
- Body of famed climber found in ice?
- Obama drops the mic
- Huge baby tips the scales
- Official resigns over racist emails
- Rodent destroys family’s SUV
- Making solar bikes sexy
- Draft pick’s multimillion-dollar bong hit
- Noah’s ark replica set to sail Atlantic
- Patrick Stewart, is that you?
- ‘Sickouts’ shut most Detroit schools