The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Swivel War.
Swaddling Cruz in Clinton hate detected opposing Trump mall.
Flying TV girl crisis is real cause.
Get it? Swivel War because Captain America: Civil War came out last week and because the election for president is HEATING UP.
It is heating up, right? I haven’t really been paying attention because politicians usually say one thing to get elected, then try to do another after getting elected, and then fail to do anything at all until they’re up for election again so that they can promise to DO MORE THINGS and MAKE GREATNESS HAPPEN and WALL OFF THE OTHERS and BE NO DIFFERENT.
So what I’m saying is, it’s a big old SWIVEL WAR. So much fun, huh? It’d be better if they all wore their underwear on the outside of their clothes and had big sexy muscle bodies, right? TOTALLY. I’d vote for Underwear Muscle Person.
Anyway, time for you to read some news from CNN. Isn’t CNN just so great? All the news, all the time. You didn’t even know you wanted it. Or needed it. But CNN is right there for you. Just like that pile of dog shit in your front yard that someone with a dog didn’t courteously pick up and then you stepped in it when you were already late for work in the morning on the same day that you had a BIG PRESENTATION for the corporate office.
Thanks CNN. For all these articles and so much more:
- Does swaddling raise risk of SIDS?
- Cruz not ruling out getting back in
- No death penalty in Benghazi case
- Clinton, Trump neck and neck in key states
- Boy faces hate crime charge
- Oxygen detected high above Mars
- Fans attack opposing team’s bus
- Rubio punts on endorsing Trump
- Assailant stabs 4 at mall, home
- Driver hit by flying metal on road
- Longtime TV dad dies
- Girl, 11, scalped on carnival ride
- Puerto Rico’s unseen crisis
- Is Janet Jackson too old for this?
- What’s El Chapo’s real strategy?
- Stoned drivers cause rise in fatalities