Listen, Talkin' Headline Blues

Swivel War: The Talkin’ Headline Blues #171

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The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Swivel War.

Swivel War: The Talkin' Headline Blues #171
A woman gets clobbered in the head by her husband because she did not keep her head on a swivel while her husband was swaddled by his father.

Swaddling Cruz in Clinton hate detected opposing Trump mall.
Flying TV girl crisis is real cause.

Get it? Swivel War because Captain America: Civil War came out last week and because the election for president is HEATING UP.

It is heating up, right? I haven’t really been paying attention because politicians usually say one thing to get elected, then try to do another after getting elected, and then fail to do anything at all until they’re up for election again so that they can promise to DO MORE THINGS and MAKE GREATNESS HAPPEN and WALL OFF THE OTHERS and BE NO DIFFERENT.

So what I’m saying is, it’s a big old SWIVEL WAR. So much fun, huh? It’d be better if they all wore their underwear on the outside of their clothes and had big sexy muscle bodies, right? TOTALLY. I’d vote for Underwear Muscle Person.

Anyway, time for you to read some news from CNN. Isn’t CNN just so great? All the news, all the time. You didn’t even know you wanted it. Or needed it. But CNN is right there for you. Just like that pile of dog shit in your front yard that someone with a dog didn’t courteously pick up and then you stepped in it when you were already late for work in the morning on the same day that you had a BIG PRESENTATION for the corporate office.

Thanks CNN. For all these articles and so much more: