The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: A Dog’s Brexit.
Fiery black-white Pope sculptures or brain-eating rapper minivan?
Texas whale opens Social Security benefits cave.
Brexit disparity makes giant Kanye amoeba.
Rapper hits Texas whale restaurant.
Social Security benefits largest cheat.
Where are you headed this Summer?
It’s a question you ask and get asked a thousand times in the final weeks of June when you live in the city of Chicago. Everyone is getting away. FAR AWAY.
No one really goes to the street festivals or the beaches or the farmer’s markets. Nobody in their right mind attends Lollapalooza.
Everyone is thanking their Lord and Savior that Chicago failed miserably in getting the 2016 Olympics. Because think of the TRAFFIC. Think of the GRAFT. Think of the COLOSSAL FUCK UPS. But also think about how fun it might have been to see all the Chicago Olympic FAILURES in the run up to the games. Some people live for Olympic Disaster Porn.
But even without the sports world descending on and shitting on everything, WE ALL MUST GET AWAY.
Family vacations, romantic trips, get-aways, weekenders, holidays, sabbaticals, church retreats, furloughs, time off, journeys, camping outings and so on. An endless stream of leaving.
Probably not too long before someone coins “Chexit” or “Chi-go,” huh?
In any event, have a great Summer Chexit. Start yours off right with this week’s CNN headlines.
- Fiery exchange on Brexit
- Black-white $$ disparity persists
- Pope makes historic apology to gays
- Giant sculptures on enchanted highway
- Who (or what) is Kanye in bed with?
- Brain-eating amoeba kills teen after church trip
- Rapper slain in broad daylight
- Amtrak train hits minivan, killing 5
- Texas abortion law struck down
- L.A.’s hidden whale warehouse
- Naked restaurant opens its doors
- Social Security to run dry by 2034
- Workplace benefits that are fading away
- World’s largest instrument is in a cave
- Why some people aren’t tempted to cheat
- 50 Cent arrested and released