The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Oily Limp Picks.
Unarmed poignant outrage.
Conservatives at shark duel.
Blast upset sexist American Olympics.
Virginity means never dead.
Do you have Olympic Fever?! Boy howdy, everyone in my house sure does. My kids like to root for:
- Whoever is in the lead of a race.
- Whoever is about to or has just won.
- Whoever has the outfit that has the colors that they like the best or is most sparkly.
- Whoever is giving it their best attempt.
Basically they root for everyone. EVEN THE RUSSIANS. Who taught them like that? Don’t they know they’re only supposed to root for AMERICA and only as long as the Americans win a gold medal. Anything but gold is a FAIL.
Anyway, read some headlines is you need to lower your blood pressure form all those second, third and fourth place finishes. Here they are for this week:
- Unarmed teen killed by police
- Japan emperor makes poignant plea
- Delta flights resuming after outage
- Conservatives recruit WH candidate
- Boy dies on slide at water park
- Freediver attacked by shark
- Trump, Clinton duel over economy
- Hospital blast kills at least 70
- Delta passengers upset at missing kiss
- #BrutallyRefreshing ads brutally sexist
- American, Australian taken in Kabul
- Rio Olympics: Day 2
- Genes set when you lose virginity?
- Marine: What a Purple Heart means
- Usain Bolt has never run a mile?!
- ‘The Big Lebowski’ actor dead at 85