Listen, Talkin' Headline Blues

Russian Kiss: The Talkin’ Headline Blues #192

Audio

The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Russian Kiss.

Consider giving a loved one a Russian kiss while listening to this week’s Talkin’ Headline

Talkin’ Headline haiku

Russian Kiss: The Talkin' Headline Blues #192
President Trump, an infected toenail about to fall off, and Paul Ryan share a smile after engaging in a Russian kiss with each other.

Trump detains Miss Iceland.
He kissed Kellyanne.
American sued mysterious minority ban.
Far-right is a Texas Russia.

I looked it up. A Russian kiss is when you put an ice cube in your mouth and then deeply and passionately kiss another person until you can force the ice cube from your mouth into their mouth. SOUNDS FUN!

Got me thinking, though. What would an American kiss be like? Maybe very patriotic. An American kiss would absolutely stand up for the national anthem at a baseball game. Maybe, also, it would make sure it was only between one man and one woman. And it wouldn’t think about if the man or the woman (or both!) were transgender. And no American kissing in bathrooms. Also, in order to become a citizen on the U.S.A. you have to pass some extreme kiss vetting. This means you have to produce a perfect American kiss onto the big chunky ass cheek of our very esteemed President Trump.

I bet, though, that since kissing is probably a preexisting condition, an American kiss isn’t that great. Because no one practices it very much because no one wants to be denied the basic human right of health care for some silly, stupid reason.

Headlines used for this recording