Fart Trumpets: The Talkin’ Headline Blues #177

The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Fart Trumpets.

Fart Trumpets: The Talkin' Headline Blues #177
Two fart trumpets gesture at each other in a race to blurt out the longest and loudest wisp of noxious gas.

Convention will blame mob in shooting.
Demand these Trump-Pence sulfur guns for killing.
Cure policing again?

As if enough people didn’t already make plenty of jokes about the stench of Cleveland during the Summer when it’s hot and humid. Now they have to put up with an entire group of fart trumpets descending on their city for four days this week. Imagine the smell of all that wind. Imagine the foul taste in your mouth if you were one of the fair citizens of that town.

It’s somewhat similar to the blowhards in Chicago who have recently been making the rounds to insist that the 2016 Olympics would have been great for the city. But, also to insist that even though Chicago failed miserably in getting the Games, the city benefited handsomely.

Yes, everyone who lives in Chicago is benefitting. That’s why everything in Chicago is just so wonderful and works so well. The entire country, no, WORLD, looks upon Chicago as a bastion of hope and compassion and prosperity and equality and peace.

It’s been said before: Chicago is the city that works…for about one percent of the people.

Now, enough of that. Go read some happy headlines!