
Oh Lord have mercy.
This is number 96. That’s a whole-hell-of-a-lot of headlines. I wonder how many of them came true?

Oh Lord have mercy.
This is number 96. That’s a whole-hell-of-a-lot of headlines. I wonder how many of them came true?

Well. That was surprisingly easy even though my bones and skin feel reversed and my head is somewhere floating behind my body. (I’m talking about THIS.)
Maybe it was SO SIMPLE, though, because these CNN.com headlines were written so well. THANKS CNN. You’re THE BEST. You make everything sound so ridiculous that I don’t even have to worry about any of it being real.
It’s not real, right? CNN.com turned into the Onion, right? Pure satire, right? Because these headlines CAN’T be actual news.
Or, wait…I did get stuck on Interstate 290 heading out of Chicago Monday morning because of a…train crash. UH OH.
But maybe that’s the only real news item, right? RIGHT!? Please tell me yes. I can’t deal with anything serious right now, okay?

This took me probably about 107 attempts to record. I think it took so long mainly because of what I wrote about in this Medicated Artist post over on MusicVomit.net.
But also because the headlines for this week had way too many words in them. THANKS CNN. I thought you were supposed to be making the news simpler. Easier. Less words next week, please!
Now back to your day….

If you’ve been reading my Medicated Artist posts, then you’ll know why it may have been such a struggle for me to record this song. I’m not really sure why, but it took every ounce to just do it.
Weird.
Anyway, this is the 93rd version of this series and I don’t see any point in stopping. Sometimes I think I should, but can’t after reading a headline like this:
Miss America: Butt glue and more highlights
It’s funny on it’s own. Someone took the time to write that. Someone brought home the bacon by writing that. But then, also think about how, maybe, the same person wrote this headline:
Multiple bodies inside navy yard
See how it becomes even more insane? Why do I need to know about both of those things in such close context?
Is someone who’s really excited about Miss America also going to be interested in reading news items about death? It’s possible, I guess, but I wonder….
Can you retain any of that information that your bombarded with? And how would you even read the thousands of different headlines that are on CNN.com every single day? IMPOSSIBLE.
Even if you just skim the brief, somewhat-vague-somewhat-descriptive headlines, you’ll never remember more than one or two. I can’t. But, maybe my memory just isn’t good.
Are one or two headlines all the information you need to make it through the day? Maybe so.
Usually, I just want to drink coffee all day and be left alone to think about donuts and when I should get a haircut. So, I can get by on one or two headlines.
Sometimes I wonder about everyone else, though. How does everyone else see this world? How do they navigate it? What are their relationships like? What do they hold close? And how much do they let out?
And then I go back to considering sprinkles or no sprinkles or an afternoon haircut or an evening one.

Oh yeah…it’s fun to write songs and play guitar. I forget that from time to time.
Anyway. Here’s the next installment in the Talkin’ Headline Blues. Thanks writers at CNN.com. Keep up the work.