The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Orange Ya Glad?
Gold, hard, stupid man fools woman’s job-killing bleach penis.
Deadly condoms run into Obamacare training stage.
(Repeat 1,562 times.)
Orange ya glad you don’t have to hear this joke every day?
Because I do.
Here’s a tip for you folks who are about to have your first kid. It may seem innocent enough teaching your kid this Knock-knock joke, because it’s a CLASSIC. But don’t do it. Trust me. Teach them some other better joke like:
A guy walks into a bar and sees another man sitting at the bar having a drink. The guy yells out, “STANISLAW.” The man turns around, gives weird look and turns back. The guy yells again, “STANISLAW.” And the man at the bar turns again, gives a weird look and then turns back. The guy yells AGAIN, “STANISLAW!” And the man turns around, gives a weird look and turns back. The guy, once more, yells, “STANISLAW!!” And the man turns around, gives a weird look and says, “I’m not Stanislaw.” Then he turns back to his drink. The other guy leaves the bar.
That’s a MUCH BETTER joke for you kid to report over and over and over.
Speaking of repeating the same thing over and over and over, here are the headlines from CNN that I used in this week’s song. Read the articles if you dare, but, really, you probably read something similar to these yesterday, last week, last month, last year:
- China buying $90 billion gold vault
- Hard punch lands in big Major League brawl
- Trump: ‘I’m not stupid, okay?’
- Man falls 38 feet when glass ceiling breaks
- Student art fools ‘Antiques Roadshow’
- Shark bites woman’s arm and won’t let go
- Top U.S. job-killing companies
- Hollywood needs to drop the bleach
- First U.S. penis transplant
- ISIS claims deadly attack on gas plant
- Olympians to get ‘Zika-proof’ condoms
- Third-party run would be ‘suicide mission’
- Dog checks himself into doggy day care
- High court punts on Obamacare
- Bomb scare blamed on training device
- Musician collapses on stage, dies