The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Ivanka Suck Your Blood.

Headline haiku

Health care frozen away.
Video: Ivanka’s laptop threatens poisonous Republicans.
Trump’s love Nazi accidentally scared old CEO.

Did you know that part of the new Republican health care law includes free* mandatory bloodletting? It’s TRUE! Bloodletting for all! Let the streets run red! Feel the fresh cleanse of draining your veins and arteries. AH!!! SO RELAXING!!!!

*Mandatory bloodlettings are only free before March 21, 2017. In the event that this date has past, you must pay a blood fine of $1,000.00 per cup of blood. Minimum 20 cups of blood taken.

Headlines used for this recording

• GOP warned on health care
• Judge Gorsuch and the frozen truck driver 
• Pastor finds massive diamond, gives it away
• North Korea propaganda video shows US jet ablaze
• Opinion: Ivanka’s role raises red flags
• How to keep your laptop safe under the new ban
• Climate change threatens couple’s history
• Woman dies after drinking poisonous tea
• Republicans dodge wiretap questions
• Dow has worst day since Trump’s election
• Couple with autism finds love online
• US man accused of Nazi war crimes 
• Boy accidentally hangs himself in store
• Immigrants are scared and planning for the worst
• Trump’s first Labor pick loses old job, too
• Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos tests giant robot suit