Ivanka Suck Your Blood: The Talkin’ Headline Blues #188

The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Ivanka Suck Your Blood.

Headline haiku

Ivanka Suck Your Blood: The Talkin' Headline Blues #188
President Trump, a bathroom sink drain clogged with hair shavings and spit, daydreams of his daughter, Ivanka, a blood-thirsty vampire, during an important meeting.

Health care frozen away.
Video: Ivanka’s laptop threatens poisonous Republicans.
Trump’s love Nazi accidentally scared old CEO.

Did you know that part of the new Republican health care law includes free* mandatory bloodletting? It’s TRUE! Bloodletting for all! Let the streets run red! Feel the fresh cleanse of draining your veins and arteries. AH!!! SO RELAXING!!!!

*Mandatory bloodlettings are only free before March 21, 2017. In the event that this date has past, you must pay a blood fine of $1,000.00 per cup of blood. Minimum 20 cups of blood taken.

Headlines used for this recording