Well. That was surprisingly easy even though my bones and skin feel reversed and my head is somewhere floating behind my body. (I’m talking about THIS.)
Maybe it was SO SIMPLE, though, because these CNN.com headlines were written so well. THANKS CNN. You’re THE BEST. You make everything sound so ridiculous that I don’t even have to worry about any of it being real.
It’s not real, right? CNN.com turned into the Onion, right? Pure satire, right? Because these headlines CAN’T be actual news.
Or, wait…I did get stuck on Interstate 290 heading out of Chicago Monday morning because of a…train crash. UH OH.
But maybe that’s the only real news item, right? RIGHT!? Please tell me yes. I can’t deal with anything serious right now, okay?
But also because the headlines for this week had way too many words in them. THANKS CNN. I thought you were supposed to be making the news simpler. Easier. Less words next week, please!
If you’ve been reading my Medicated Artist posts, then you’ll know why it may have been such a struggle for me to record this song. I’m not really sure why, but it took every ounce to just do it.
Weird.
Anyway, this is the 93rd version of this series and I don’t see any point in stopping. Sometimes I think I should, but can’t after reading a headline like this:
Miss America: Butt glue and more highlights
It’s funny on it’s own. Someone took the time to write that. Someone brought home the bacon by writing that. But then, also think about how, maybe, the same person wrote this headline:
Multiple bodies inside navy yard
See how it becomes even more insane? Why do I need to know about both of those things in such close context?
Is someone who’s really excited about Miss America also going to be interested in reading news items about death? It’s possible, I guess, but I wonder….
Can you retain any of that information that your bombarded with? And how would you even read the thousands of different headlines that are on CNN.com every single day? IMPOSSIBLE.
Even if you just skim the brief, somewhat-vague-somewhat-descriptive headlines, you’ll never remember more than one or two. I can’t. But, maybe my memory just isn’t good.
Are one or two headlines all the information you need to make it through the day? Maybe so.
Usually, I just want to drink coffee all day and be left alone to think about donuts and when I should get a haircut. So, I can get by on one or two headlines.
Sometimes I wonder about everyone else, though. How does everyone else see this world? How do they navigate it? What are their relationships like? What do they hold close? And how much do they let out?
And then I go back to considering sprinkles or no sprinkles or an afternoon haircut or an evening one.
Remember these? Where I grab headlines from CNN.com and make them into a talkin’ blues song?
Haven’t done one since…last October!? So, I figured it’s time to start them up again. Here’s why:
I can only pay attention to the news and events of the day, week, or month like this:
Pick one small segment of news…like SPORTS or CELEBRITIES or POLITICS and really read up on everything to do with that topic each and every day. Lately, I’ve decided that SPORTS is the most entertaining to me and I read articles at this place.
Attempt to take in ALL the news and only really take in the brief summaries heard or headlines read. This gets me in situations where I’ll be at a party or talking to someone and I’ll try to follow along with a current event conversation and I’ll just be lost. Also, I think this means I’m getting old.
Don’t listen to ANY news at all. This is similar to number 2, and a little more relaxing, in a way, but I start to lose a grip on reality.
How do you listen to the news? Any other ways that you can suggest to me?
Maybe you can start listening to the news as a song, huh? I’ll keep on doing these if you keep on listening (and probably I’ll keep doing them even if you don’t, because…I don’t know who you are and because, like I said last night in my post about songwriting, the more you do it, the easier it gets and the more songs you get).
Music Vomit 