The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Ivanka Suck Your Blood.
Headline haiku
President Trump, a bathroom sink drain clogged with hair shavings and spit, daydreams of his daughter, Ivanka, a blood-thirsty vampire, during an important meeting.
Health care frozen away.
Video: Ivanka’s laptop threatens poisonous Republicans.
Trump’s love Nazi accidentally scared old CEO.
Did you know that part of the new Republican health care law includes free* mandatory bloodletting? It’s TRUE! Bloodletting for all! Let the streets run red! Feel the fresh cleanse of draining your veins and arteries. AH!!! SO RELAXING!!!!
*Mandatory bloodlettings are only free before March 21, 2017. In the event that this date has past, you must pay a blood fine of $1,000.00 per cup of blood. Minimum 20 cups of blood taken.
The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Planetary Baby.
A planetary baby shows off his flag pin. He put it on himself!
Challengers in Trump Court probe huge, clever children with nomination.
Fine airplanes!
Planetary baby kills enemy.
The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Ban Backlash.
President Trump, whose favorite meal is cold spaghetti and tampons from the trash, attempts to ban backlash with Scotch tape.
Ban backlash has Supreme Court blast health probe at turban mosques.
Why Chicago Mexican shuns Twitter Trump.
Ah yes, can you feel the goodness of it? Do you find its warm embrace to be soothing and relaxing? Does it lull you to sleep after a long day hunched over at a desk? I sure bet it does. IT FEELS GREAT!
I’m going to say it here first: Bans are the new black.
The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Leak Decollation.
A White House staff member checks President Donald Trump’s face for any evidence of leak decollation.
Screw Trump history agenda.
Crowd of leaks beheaded at employee court.
Hear about Pentagon sex ed photoshoot.
So let me get this straight: Leaks bad, secrets good. Okay, got it. Thanks White House.
Here are the leak-filled headlines used to cobble together this week’s Talkin’ Headline:
The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Trumposaurus Rex.
Much like it’s closely-related dinosaur cousin, the Trumposaurus Rex is easily identified by it’s large, swollen, bloated head and tiny, baby-like hands.
North Korea opens bathroom to sitting transgender Trump.
Happy old dinosaur spews Russian Trump testosterone abuse.
You!
Do you understand the connection here? Tyrannosaurus rex translates to KING TYRANT LIZARD. Can we all just agree to refer to Donald Trump, our president and an old toothbrush used to polish shoes, as King Tyrant Lizard? It is only a matter of time (days? hours? minutes?) until he devours everything.
Anyway, here are the headlines from today used to create this version of the Talkin’ Headline Blues. Listen to the song while you read them. It’s fun!
Music Vomit 