Audio

Viagra Racist: The Talkin’ Headline Blues #161

The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Viagra Racist.

Viagra Racist: The Talkin' Headline Blues #161
Feeling not so terrific and super-classy in your lady bits? This is what Female Viagra can do for you!

Everything fun!
Trump convicted on failure to America.
The racist tweet machine forced a Viagra cruise.

Boy howdy! CNN really likes writing articles about fleshy bullhorn Donald Trump, no? Maybe they’d write about him less if he changed his name back to Donald Drumpf as John Oliver suggested:

Anyway, read all the CNN Drumpf articles for yourself, and then go #MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain:

Presidential STDs: The Talkin’ Headline Blues #160

The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Presidential STDs.

Presidential STDs: The Talkin' Headline Blues #160
Steer clear of all political candidate cavities (oral, anal, etc.) and your chance of contracting a presidential STD will be minimal.

Quit the invisible rules.
American nightmare from presidential love.
Drink snake STDs.
Paradise, a weird salute.

Here are the headlines used to write the song. It’s more news than you’ll ever need.

Scalia’s Big One: The Talkin’ Headline Blues #159

The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Scalia’s Big One.

Scalia's Big One: The Talkin' Headline Blues #159
Former Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia’s Big One is MUCH BIGGER than this.

Scalia’s ‘Big One’ impaled Beyonce.
Joke seeks former new arrest count.
What Russia’s love done found out.

And, yes, I have again compiled all the links to all the headlines if you have a hard-up head cold and need to put yourself to rest. Read on!

Ugly Earth: The Talkin’ Headline Blues #158

The Talkin’ Headline Blues is a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song. This week’s topic: Ugly Earth.

Ugly Earth: The Talkin' Headline Blues #158
Ugly, messy, destructive, vomiting, beautiful, terrifying Earth.

New meteorite parade escalates ugly
Earth at daily sledding reveal.
Ban controversy!
Mosquitoes sink duck ride.

Here are all the headlines used for the song. And links to read the articles, although for most of the articles you can just look quickly at the headline and get the idea of what happened. No need to read anything in depth at all.

Punxsutawney Barbie: The Talkin’ Headline Blues #157

Punxsutawney Barbie: The Talkin' Headline Blues #157
This is Punxsutawney Barbie making a super-classy, terrific duck face.

Back at the old Talkin’ Headline Blues for 2016. Remember those? They’re a weekly series of recordings using unedited headlines from CNN.com written as a song.  There’s even an extra special Chicago-related headline hidden in this one! Can you find it?

This year, I’m going to add a little summary topic to the title. No big deal. This week’s topic is Punxsutawney Barbie.

The topic will tie closely to the image I upload with the song and the short text summary of the song. Remember those? No? You have a bad memory, then. It’s only been like almost a year since I wrote the last one.

Anyway, I just use one word from each headline for the summary. They come across a little like a haiku. It’s NEWS POETRY.

Punxsutawney embryos made.
Heart fires Iowa’s worry truth.
Barbie drank ancient farm.
Sinks may breath free.

How does the image relate to Punxsutawney Barbie? I think you can figure that one out yourself.

Now, if you care to read all the articles (good luck), here they are: